On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
third nipple confirmed
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
