Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
