i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
