Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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