He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
