were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize