The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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