it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
