You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
