I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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