why im i the only drunk person in the library?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
