My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
