omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
