Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
