3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
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Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
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if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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