I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
