Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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