my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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