there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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