why didn't you poke me back
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
