I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
