Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
