Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
