So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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