mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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