Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize