you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
