Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
