Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
