i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
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When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
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How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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