He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
