How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
