we're blogging at a bar
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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