Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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