just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Randomize
