plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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