drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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