Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
its liver damage thursday
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
