im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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