I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
