her vagine was all disorganized.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm bleeding and have questions
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