I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
