Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
