Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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