it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
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