Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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