i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
