He kissed a someone with a penis
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
