You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
