He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
