It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
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He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
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I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile