i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
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Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
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I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.