I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???