At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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