2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
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I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
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He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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