The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
