I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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