im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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