haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
