I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
