I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
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he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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