have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
MIDGETS
????
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
