I'm gonna have a badass scar
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
