Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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